Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Struggles (but in a good way)

I never realized how emotional I would be with adopting. It's like I'm pregnant all over again (I'm not by the way). Everything seems to make me tear up. I struggle not too. I don't want to be the cry-er. I'm NOT the cry--er. I don't get emotional-about anything-except this.

I guess it started before we found out that we had been chosen as her (still struggling with that name) family. I laid in bed one night after waking for the millionth time and just prayed-and cried. I prayed that God would let her know that there were many people who wanted her. I prayed that He would choose the best family for her, even if it meant it wasn't us; I trully struggled with that prayer, but knew it was in His hands. I knew I had no control over it and I wanted peace if it wasn't to be us. I prayed for the families who would get the call that she wouldn't become their daughter. How heartbroken I would have been if we had gotten that call. I knew there were others who were praying the same prayer. I prayed for her caregivers to prepare them let her go when the time comes to do so. I prayed that, if we were the ones to be her parents, that we would be prepared and learn as much as we could about her condition and her heritage and be the best parents to this little girl.

I cried when Judy called and said we were the one. I cried when I told my dad. I cried when I told my mom that I knew we were her parents and she was with out a doubt our daughter.

I cried when I saw her picture on Reeces Rainbow with our name beside it. I cried when I went to get my passport (and about threw up). I cried when my best friend gave me a charm for my bracelet for our daughter.

I cried putting up our stockings for Christmas this year, knowing we would have one more next year. I cried when I hung her ornament on the tree; knowing our little doll would be here to hang her own next year.

This week isn't any different. Last night we got an email from Judy at Global saying our homestudy was being sent for translation-I cried (almost). Today, I realized that I am going to meet my daughter in just a few short weeks (maybe a couple months). I know there will be tears then-from her, from me, hopefully from her caregivers. All of these are struggles. But I know that God has placed her far away for us to go and get her.

I have always clung to this verse since we've started this journey. John 14:18 "I will not abandon you as orphans--I will come to you." We ARE coming to you our dear, sweet angel. We are coming as fast as we can. I can't wait to see you and for you to be where you are supposed to be-with your forever family.

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